Yesterday I was released from the hospital after being in there since Thursday. While being in there I had a few epiphanies.
The first, I am so lucky to have such caring parents and I need to stop taking them for granted. My parents are always there for me, yet I treat them like crap a lot. Part of that WAS regular teenage stuff, and part of it was my BiPolar-ness. Seriously, I scream at them sometimes for the littlest things. Soon after I feel terrible about it, but I still do it. I need to stop treating them like that because my parents are always there for me. Being in the hospital and seeing a lot of people having parents who didn't give a fuck (excuse my language) about them. I thought to myself, "How can you not care about your children? How can you tell your daughter that instead of her son dying it should have been her?? How can you pretend and act as if they never existed??" After hearing some truly horrible stories I realized how lucky I am.
Second, I need to stop talking myself into things. I tell myself I'll fail at something, and I do. I tell myself that I can't handle something and I end up breaking down. Most of my problems come from myself and that no one is to blame but me. I told myself it was going to happen and I made it happen. I have to stop being so negative all the time and just be positive.
Third, holding someone in a high esteem sets you up for disappointment and hurt. When you make someone to be something in your head when they're really not like that, it causes a lot of hurt. You say someone's perfect and you don't want to believe that they have any faults. And when they make the tiniest mistake it hurts so bad because you believed that they would never do anything wrong. You have to see them for who they are and see them as only human and humans make mistakes.
I'm not sure why I put balls in the title. It's my new favorite word. I use it all the time and most of the time I say it out of the blue. I'm weird like that, I guess. Me and my boyfriend say it to each other a lot, for no reason. So let me end by saying, BALLS!
Hospitals, Epiphanies, and Balls
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Posted by Pandora at 1:50 PM
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